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Post by .:Fawn:. on Mar 29, 2010 12:38:34 GMT -5
Ah, I've been looking back on Brinefield's bio.
You definitely need to add a few faults to Brinefield. xD She's too perfect. All the toms like her, and those that DON'T like her tend to disappear, if I read that right.
Now that it's in the middle of the afternoon, xD and I'm much more awake, I'm seeing a few serious problems. She's kind of reminding me of one of the main characters of Gossip Girl. The rich, pretty one that has everything from looks to smarts to popularity...I don't watch Gossip Girl, xD so I don't remember the name, but seriously. Brinefield's perfect, and that, frankly, is a humongous problem.
I'm trying to be nice but still get my point across, as I'm not sure how to address this situation...but could you give her some faults? Take away some of that cliche popular-girl-at-school-personality? xD she's gotta have a downside.[/font]
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Post by ::Phoenix:: on Mar 29, 2010 12:44:30 GMT -5
Lol. That's what I was trying to subtly show. She's corrupt. xD
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Post by .:Fawn:. on Mar 29, 2010 12:50:12 GMT -5
0.0! oooh! Corrupt is good!
xD can you elaborate on that though? Mention that she's corrupt, go into detail about how she thinks she's the perfect cat in all of ThunderClan. But also mention that, even though she thinks they're all tripping over themselves to lick her paws, that most of them probably aren't. I think, that if you somehow try to spin it so that most of this "I'm so utterly perfect, and no cat can ever compare to me" is all in her head, I think this intro could somehow work.
o.O Oh, and the name. You should talk to Rain about the name, because I don't think the Warrior Cats know what Brine is. You might have to change it to Oceanfield, which, to me, xD sounds a lot prettier than Brine. I think of shrimp when I think of Brine, but that's just me. I'm strange.
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Post by ::Phoenix:: on Mar 29, 2010 12:52:05 GMT -5
Lol. I THINK I elaborated... Or did you post that after you read my Bio again or no?
And I think of the ocean when I hear Brine xD
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Post by .Rain. on Mar 29, 2010 12:57:07 GMT -5
I think pickles.
-vanishes-
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Post by .:Fawn:. on Mar 29, 2010 13:12:05 GMT -5
xD I think I posted before. Let me check it again! un momento!
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Post by .:Fawn:. on Mar 29, 2010 13:39:04 GMT -5
0.0! Ooh! The personality is good! But I still feel there are some unanswered questions.
XD bear with me here, I know this is a lot to work through, I'm sorry. -headshake- Okay, xD why is she obsessed with perfection? (elaborate a LIIIIITTTLE bit more on that, xD I wanna really grasp the fact that she knows she's not perfect, but she's trying her darnedest to BE perfect. And could you elaborate on her insecurities? What is she afraid of?)
Did something in her past trigger this strange behavior? Did someone SAY something to her? Where does this all begin?
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Post by ::Phoenix:: on Mar 29, 2010 13:52:00 GMT -5
Mmkay. Modified :]
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Post by .:Fawn:. on Mar 29, 2010 14:27:45 GMT -5
-chuckle-
xD So Oceanfield is a little bit off her rocker, eh? I love it.
=D Well, both Rain and I have discussed it, and we feel that Oceanfield is ready to join the ranks of ThunderClan.
So, without further ado,
[/font] Accepted as imperfectly perfect Warrior of ThunderClan!
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