Eclipsefur|RiverClan|Warrior|Tom

[::Phoenix::]

Name: Eclipsefur
Age: 24 moons
Do you Honor?: StarClan
Mate:
Kits:
Gender: Tom
Clan: RiverClan
Rank: Warrior
Breed: Short-hair
Appearance:

Eclipsefur is as he sounds: his black fur overpowers the yellow that lies underneath. He looks as if someone went and mixed him in a paint pallet, being careful to stick to the colors only resembling his parents. His belly and legs are yellow; it is useful there for identification and because he can hide it when hunting. His back and tail are black, as his father's are. His eyes are different colors, oddly enough. One eye is grayish-blue, while the other is bluish-green. He is, in a sense, the exact mix between his parents. He's visibly muscular, yet long and nimble like his mother, with lengthy white claws to complete his warrior look. He has a black nose, long whiskers, and a tail that longer than most. He can hide even in the brightest of day, so long as he is in the shadows, and shine even in the darkest of night, if he reveals his gray stripe and his yellow underbelly. He is a true wonder.

Personality:

There are various sides to Eclipsefur. He is sweet like his mother, yet as solemn as his father. When solemn, he tends to scare people, make it seem as if he's wiser than the surrounding population thought. When he's sweet, he's like honey. Occasionally, you'll find him depressed, but when he's at that point, he's usually hiding somewhere unknown to even his siblings, and is angered when he is found. When he is neither of these options, he is happy. He is a warrior, as he should be. This is the most common sight of him; he's rarely found otherwise. He is aware of how he is, and he enjoys it. He seems to examine others, as his father does, almost scrutinizes them. He aspires to be leader, but that is stereotypical of any cat. He is only a young warrior, and has many moons before any such thing can happen. For now, he can feel as happy and carefree as he wishes. No one will judge him; at least, not yet.

History:

Eclipsekit was born in leaf-bare, an uncommon time to be kitting. He had two siblings, both making it to warriorhood. The brother was Goldenkit; he was named after their mother, Sunblaze. His sister, Nightkit, was named for her appearance, as she looks like their father, Shadowpath. Eclipsekit wasn't very rambunctious; however, he was nosy. He'd notice something was off, for he had his father's senses, and would investigate until he'd gone too far. Most of the time, this consisted of crossing certain lines his parents and the warriors themselves had made to keep themselves safe from sneaky Clanmates they know are there, such as Eclipsekit and others like him.

Nothing truly happened in his apprenticehood. His mentor, Spottedcloud, trained him hard and well, trying to adhere to his learning strategies, and eventually learned that they were indeed the best way to teach him. He was made a warrior along with his brother and sister, his brother becoming Goldenshine, his sister Nightstrike. He did, however, have an apprentice as a warrior that was slightly...unusual. He had trouble learning; most avoided him, but Eclipsefur stuck with him all the way, trying as hard as he could to teach him all the things he really needed to pass as a warrior. The rumors spread around the Clan about him, though all were puffery. They were things said based on opinion, not fact.

Eclipsefur's apprentice eventually made it through his awkward apprentice phase and became Fangedreed. After this, Eclipsefur had a moon or so to relax without having to do any sort of true work. However, he did gain a second apprentice, Fierypaw, to train later on.

This apprentice was nearly the opposite of his previous one: serious, intelligent, and focused. Beneath her facade, however, was the fun-loving warrior's spirit. She worked hard to gain her name, which was ironically true: Fierycloud.

After this, he had been relaxing yet again, and has not been called back to mentoring yet.

Roleplay Example:

Eclipsefur watched the Clan pad toward the Nursery. Another Queen had finally kitted: two she-cats and a tom. A large litter, to be frank. His different eyes swept the area, looking for any face that wasn't ecstatic.

He was ecstatic himself; they were his brother's kits. He did not, however, want to see them at the moment. He would go in later to see them. His eyes settled on one face: Nightstrike. She seemed saddened; he couldn't tell why. Padding over to his sister, he wrapped his tail around her shoulders.

"What's wrong, Nightstrike?" he asked quietly. "This is supposed to be a happy day; what could scar it?"

She sighed and turned. Eclipsefur followed her gaze to Runningleg. Of course! I should have known it was him... His sister had a crush on him, and wanted to mate. He, however, did not want anything to do with her. He only had eyes for others.

"It's okay, Nightstrike. He'll come around. I know it."

Pictures:

I don't think there will ever be a cat like Eclipsefur xD

Codeword:

I already know it x]

[.:Fawn:.]

^^ and now to begin editing![/font]

[.:Fawn:.]

Eclipsefur is as he sounds. His fur is eclipsed, some black and gray, others bright yellow.

This part confused me greatly. o.O Could you please rewrite this part? I kinda get what you're trying to say. His darker fur, the black and the gray kind of cover up or eclipse his lighter yellow fur. Since he has a tricolor coat, does this make him a tortoiseshell? Just with a really light ginger-leaning-towards-yellow?
=P I would like to see a picture of him someday, he's definitely an interesting specimen.

He has long claws and it is visible that he is very muscular. Yet, he is long and nimble, as his mother.

I think these sentences could be combined somehow. ^^ The description would flow better, I think.

"He's visibly muscular, yet long and nimble like his mother, with lengthy white claws to complete his warrior look."

He has a black nose, and long whiskers and tail, longer than most.

Just a bit of fixing here, I think. "He has a black nose, long whiskers, and a tail that longer than most."

He can hide even in the brightest of day, and shine even in the darkest of night. He is a true wonder.

Could you elaborate on this a little? xD I wanna know how he can do these things...[/font]

[.Rain.]

Toms can't be tortoiseshell. The odds are like one in ten thousand, and if they are they are always sterile.

Just letting you know.

[::Phoenix::]

Can I say he's not tortoiseshell then? Because his name and everything totally relies on his appearance...

And I edited x]

[.Rain.]

He kind of is a tortoiseshell though. His markings are tortoiseshell markings, which males can't have. [x]

[::Phoenix::]

Hm... I'll have to add something to make him not tortoiseshell.

[Lawly-Pop]

Tri-color counts as tortoiseshell. So if he has two colors, then he's okay. Three and he's technically impossible. So you could get rid of either the black or the grey and he'd still look about the same.

[::Phoenix::]

Mmkay, I took out the gray. Better? :]

[.:Fawn:.]

=) I'm definitely seeing improvement!
I'll check the rest of this today, after I finish up some school work![/font]

[.:Fawn:.]

"is sweet like his mother, yet solemn as his father.

...make it seem as if he's more wise than the surrounding population thought.

^^ the first part, should probably be as solemn as his father. Otherwise it sounds a little choppy.

The second bold part should be wiser instead of more wise, =) the sentence flows better with it.

Occasionally, you'll find him undecided, but when he's at that point, he's usually hiding somewhere unknown to even his siblings, and is angered when he is found.

o.O I'm really confused. "Undecided"? How is he undecided? What is he undecided about? Perhaps he's feeling depressed instead, and wants to be away from everyone?

He is a warrior. He is as he should be. This is the most common sight of him; you'll rarely find him otherwise.

xD the first two sentences are reaaallly choppy? Maybe you should combine them? "He is a warrior; he is exactly as he should be."

and then the italicized word is just a knit-pick. xD Rain doesn't want us using 'you' or 'your' or 'you'll' in our bios. We're simply listing things about our cats, not describing them to other people...or...something like that. -headscratch- ^^ Rain'll have to explain that better.

Eclipsekit wasn't much rambunctious; however, he was nosy. He'd notice something off,

o.O perhaps you mean "Eclipsekit wasn't very rambunctious; however, he was nosy. He'd notice something was off,"

^^ other then that, the history is looking very good. Who was Eclipsepaw's mentor?

"Most of the time, this consisted of crossing certain lines his parents and the warriors themselves had made to keep themselves safe from sneaky Clanmates they know are there."

o.O Sneaky Clanmates? are you sure you don't mean "from sneaky cats of another Clan lurking about."

=) The history looks very good! You've put in some good details! After all of this is corrected, I'll check your role play example, and then give ya the thumbs up. ^^[/font]

[::Phoenix::]

Mmkay. Edited x]

[.:Fawn:.]

-nodnodnodnod- ^^! This looks good! I'm gonna give it the thumbs up, but I think it's Rain that has the final say on this, so I won't dare to lock and move it until the morning, after she's had a look.

So, until Rain says otherwise,

Accepted as Warrior of RiverClan!