Skypaw l ThunderClan l Apprentice l She-cat

[catybug]

Name: Skypaw
Age: 10 moons
Do you Honor?:
Mate: -
Kits: -
Gender: She-cat
Clan: ThunderClan
Rank: Apprentice
Breed: Mix
Appearance:

Skypaw is small and sleek. Her paws are rather large though, helping her with balance. She can easily run long distances and is able to get to places other, larger cats have trouble with. She has to rely on this speed as she lacks in strength. This speed also causes her to excel at hunting, though with her small strength she also has to learn to rely on it for fighting as well.


Her fur is on the short side, its silver with darker tabby markings that cover her whole body. Her eyes are a pretty light blue.

Personality:

She is outgoing and optimistic. Not much can keep this girl down, except maybe how much she misses her mother. She is adventurous and sometimes a little reckless. She will always speak her mind no matter what the price and won’t take fox-dung from anyone. She can sometimes come off as a little bossy, but her heart is in the right place.


There are times she can be slightly short tempered, her anger flaring easily. This is the time when her “Always speak your mind “attitude can get her into the most trouble, as she has a tendency to mouth off. Though as quickly as her temper flares, it can come down with a little of the right reasoning from someone who knows how to calm her down. However she is capable of eventually calming down on her own.

She is extremely loyal though and would do anything for a Clanmate. Overall she strives to prove herself and be a cat her mother would be proud of.

History:

She was one of a litter of two from the queen, Silverstep. Her sickly sister, Streamkit, died soon after birth. The surviving kit was named Skykit for her light silver fur. Skykit was adventurous even as a kit, for example one day wandering out of camp. This of course sent the cats into a stir. But she was found, safe and sound, hopping after a cricket, her laughter filling the air. She had of course been chastised, but that didn't stop her from stirring up trouble as she got older.
.

She was soon apprenticed to the Deputy, Lionstep. Though not too long after she first became an apprentice, her mother was killed in a fight with dogs. Skypaw had been very close to her mother and this of course tore the young cat up inside. For a while, her laughter was no longer heard around camp, and she was in a somewhat depressed state. Though after seeing her mother in a dream, she started smiling again and her peals of laughter once again rang out. She puts on a happy face no, and strives to be the best cat she can be. A Cat her mother would be proud of.

Roleplay Example:

Light blue eyes watched as a little brown mouse scuttled through the grass. This was the first time she hunted by herself and she was bound and determined to impress Lionstep.

Her tail flicked back and forth gently as the small She-cat slowly crept up on it. Crack! A twig snapped in half as a large silver colored paw stepped on it. The mouse scurried off and the young silver cat gave chase. She was fast, sure, but not quite fast enough and she almost ran face first into a tree as the mouse scuttled into a hole at its base. "Mousedung!" Skypaw spat, beating a large paw against the ground. Seems like it was time to look for something else to hunt.

Pictures:

Click Here

I do not own.

Codeword:

-edited out by Fawn-

[.:Fawn:.]

=) Okay, a couple things that I've noticed right away. First off, the history looks good, there were just a couple places that could use a comma or something like it.

Though after seeing her mother in a dream
You could add a comma after dream, to make the sentence flow smoother. ^^

xD I love her name, but the reasoning behind her name isn't really going to work. Cats are all born with blue eyes, and since kits are named within the hour after they're born, naming a kit after their blue eyes isn't the smartest thing to do. xD Who knows if they'll change to green or gold as they get older? However, you could just say that her mother named her "Skykit" for her light colored coat? ^^ that's totally acceptable.

Could you perhaps make the appearance and the personality a paragraph or two longer? xD I feel that there is so much more about this cat that we should know. Could you tell us where her tabby markings are? Do they cover her whole body? Are her paws little? Are they big? Does she excel at hunting rather than fighting?

Her eyes a pretty light blue.

xD I think you're missing an 'are' between the 'eyes' and 'a'.
Otherwise it's an incomplete sentence.

^^ Ah! and because Skypaw is an apprentice, she has to have a mentor before she can be accepted.
There are currently four cats in ThunderClan able to take a mentor.
=) My own dear Lionstep, who is the Deputy of ThunderClan, and then the rest are warriors by the name of,

Breezepelt, Oceanfield, and Silverwing. xD Unfortunately, the Role Players of Breezepelt and Silverwing aren't going to be on this weekend, so if you PMed them to ask, they probably wouldn't be able to get back to you until Monday.

^^ but Lionstep is free to take an apprentice!

xD oh, and one more thing, (Yes, I'm sure you must be sick of me after all the editing I did, but I swear, I'm not doing this to be a jerk, Honest)

could you write a role play example using Skypaw? =) I'd like to see her in action, please.[/font]

[catybug]

I edited and added a few things. I hope its better now =)

[.Rain.]

Welcome, Catybug!

Skypaw looks pretty good. The only problems you're really having is a few grammar rules that you need to remember.

Remember to always put a space after a period. or a comma, but not after a "quotation mark." Put a space after the quotation, however.

Only proper nouns should be capitalized, so words like queen and cat should be lowercase.

Its is used for possession (the cat had stripes on its tail) while it's is used to say it is (it's a nice day outside)

Clan mate is actually one word, Clanmate. So is overall. Also, young cats are usually called kits rather than cubs.

And could you say something other than crap in her personality? It's a minor swear, but very informal. Even if you just say fox-dung? xD.

Who is her mentor going to be? Also, I'm working on a ThunderClan apprentice myself, Falconpaw. Maybe she and Skypaw could be friends?

[.:Fawn:.]

=) It's been decided that Lionstep is Skypaw's mentor. ^^[/font]

[.Rain.]

You guys need to tell me these things. xD. Could you add that to her history, maybe?

[catybug]

Sorry bout the cub instead of kit thing. I came here from Impressive Tilte and guess I had a little mix up XD Though Im not quite sure where I made it? Anyways I edited what mistakes you mentioned I could find. They were most likely made cause I was in a rush and wasn't paying attention sorry^^ Anyways I also mentioned about Lionpelt in the history and sample and sure Falconpaw and Skypaw can be friends =)

[.:Fawn:.]

This is the time when her “Always speak your mind “attitude can get her into the most trouble, as she has a tendency to mouth of.

=) I think you meant mouth off. Here?

Or eventually she'll calm down on her own.
xD I think that's an incomplete sentence.
Perhaps..."However, eventually she'll calm down on her own." would work better?

Minus the Lionpelt-should-be-Lionstep incident, xD the history and the role play example look good.
However, a paragraph in the history repeats itself? xD I think that was just a copy-paste error.

The same error is also in the Role Play Example. xD Once these are fixed, you should be good to go.[/font]

[catybug]

I really need to slow down XDD Id probably make less errors. I think I fixed it.

[.:Fawn:.]

xD Lionpelt should be changed to Lionstep.

=D alright, I think this is ready to be approved! Just be sure to keep from capitalizing random words, and be wary of comma placement. If you keep these things in mind, then I don't think we'll have any more problems! ^^

Now then, without further ado,[/font]

Approved as Apprentice of ThunderClan!

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